


We Are All Ashamed of Something

by dandelionandburdock



Series: 1directionelite challenge 1 [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, F/F, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-14
Updated: 2012-11-14
Packaged: 2017-11-18 16:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionandburdock/pseuds/dandelionandburdock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis notices with satisfaction that Niall’s hips are getting rounder, chubbier recently. <i>“It was about time,”</i> she thinks, <i>“with all that pizza.”</i></p><p>Honestly, she is tired of pretending that she isn’t exercising a lot and dieting to the point that she doesn’t even remember how chocolate tastes like. Meanwhile, Niall is going around smiling and all energetically explaining how she doesn’t do anything, how she has always been skinny, and how because of her fast metabolism she doesn’t need to watch what she is eating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Are All Ashamed of Something

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t in any way endorse their behavior in this fic.

  


 

Louis notices with satisfaction that Niall’s hips are getting rounder, chubbier recently. _“It was about time,”_ she thinks, _“with all that pizza.”_

Honestly, she is tired of pretending that she isn’t exercising a lot and dieting to the point that she doesn’t even remember how chocolate tastes like. Meanwhile, Niall is going around smiling and all energetically explaining how she doesn’t do anything, how she has always been skinny, and how because of her fast metabolism she doesn’t need to watch what she is eating.

Louis just thinks that it isn’t fair, that is all. She works her ass off to look perfect all the time, and puts all her best in every job she gets.

Niall is hired for just as many campaigns and shows as Louis is and isn’t even _trying_ – she would come with uncombed hair on an interview, wearing a ridiculous outfit, and probably late, and she could still get the job. It is ridiculous.

So yes, excuse Louis if she is a bit too happy because of the fact that her main rival in the industry is getting less and less competitive with every slice of pizza.

“You should exercise more, Ni,” Harry, a mutual friend of theirs says. She is curly, and tall, and so sexy and cute at the same time that it is actually pointless to hate her for being the best of them all. “I can come with you if you want.”

“I don’t know, Haz,” Niall shrugs. She is getting her hair done for the show and isn’t really supposed to move but when has she ever cared? “I don’t really feel like it. Plus, Liam already offered that – which was quite nice of her. But it’s just not my type of thing.”

“Then you could, I don’t know, eat healthier?”

“I _am_ eating healthier. The food I eat makes me happy. And happy is the ultimate healthy.”

Harry shakes her head in disbelief. “Well, what about less, then?”

“I can’t really,” Niall doesn’t really bother to explain why she couldn’t but everyone who knows her already takes that as a given – Niall loves food and lots of it. “And I don’t diet.”

“I’m not saying dieting. I’m saying less, like, if you engage yourself in some kind of activity, not necessarily physical, you might – I don’t know – not think about food so much.”

“I don’t think that could happen,” another friend of theirs, Zayn walks in. “Ni always thinks about food. It’s the actual love of her life.” She greets the girls with kisses on their cheeks and then goes to Louis. She greets her with kisses, too, and Louis smiles.

Zayn, just like most of the girls in the room, is naturally skinny and gorgeous. The difference is that she was super skinny. And unlike other girls, Louis doesn’t hate her for it. She knows that she smokes a lot and that is the trick behind her skinniness – not that she does it on purpose, she just genuinely likes smoking and she doesn’t really feel like having any food because of the amount of cigarettes she destroys each day.

Louis is sometimes worried about her. She doesn’t want Zayn to turn out anorexic or something like that; she actually wants her to be healthy, reducing her smoking included. But at the same time, as much as Louis would hate to admit it, she feels a bit better about herself around her. She thinks, _“Look at me. I eat healthy. I exercise. The price of my size 6 isn’t a poison in my lungs.”_

Louis turns away and stares at the mirror, smiling. Niall is still complaining in the background.

 

~.-.~

 

Louis doesn’t actually get to see the whole thing but manages to catch most of it true the walls while she’s waiting to see Caroline, their manager, about her next job.

“You _have_ to do something, Niall,” she hears her say.

“But I can’t,” Niall’s voice is whining and Louis guesses that the girl is on the verge of crying after five minutes of a conversation which mainly goes in Caroline telling the blonde model that she needs to exercise more or eat less, and the other girl replying that she can’t do that and pleading not to make her do it.

_“This is ridiculous,”_ Louis thinks. _“She doesn’t even need_ that _much. If she likes her job, she should do it. Food can’t be_ that _important for her, can it?”_

“Niall, you might get kicked out of the agency!” Caroline exclaims. “Niall, this is serious. You are a good model but how many clients do you think would call back if you’re not in perfect shape?”

Niall lets out a loud sob. Louis imagines Caroline’s features softening. “Ni,” she says. “Just… go home now. And promise me to think about it.”

Niall walks out of Caroline’s office, sobbing and enveloped in her own arms. She doesn’t even notice Louis – she just collapses on the seat next to her, trying to calm herself down. Meanwhile Caroline’s already on her phone; she gives Louis a sign to wait a minute before she enters.

This leaves her with her sobbing enemy who looks like a kitten left alone in the rain.

“What am I supposed to do?” Niall asks no one in particular.

Louis looks around uncomfortably – she isn’t even sure if she’s supposed to answer.

“What _can_ I do?” Niall continues whining.

Louis rolls her eyes and sighs. “Oh my God, you’re not 7, are you? Stop whining, for fuck’s sake.”

The girl lifts her blonde head and looks at the other model with big blue eyes, watery with tears, widened in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“You were asking what you could do and what you were supposed to do. Well, I’m telling you. Firstly, stop whining – it will not take you anywhere. Second, drag your lazy ass to the gym as often as possible. And I don’t mean when you “feel like it”, I mean every fucking free moment you get. Also, stop eating so much junk food. You can still eat lots of food, you’ll just have to get more fruits and stuff like that.”

Niall sniffles. “Thank you,” she says. She’s still upset though.

“Whatever,” Louis whips one of her fringes back.

Caroline invites her in just in time.

 

~.-.~

 

Louis finally has a proper day off that she thinks she can use in the gym. Which is great, she thinks, as she could actually allow herself a small piece of chocolate in exchange of some extra work out.

The gym she goes to in London isn’t quite big and is near her flat – thing is, she still doesn’t feel comfortable with people recognizing her and then whispering to each other how even a model had to work out to look good, thus boosting their own confidence. Louis isn’t going to be anyone’s confidence trampoline.

So she always walks in with sunglasses on, tight sports leggings and her hair up in a perfect ponytail. The people in the gym don’t really care because they’ve never expected anyone famous anyway.

Usually, Louis would still get some male (and sometimes, even female) attention, even though she always makes it clear that she doesn’t want anyone’s. Today, though, the case seems to be different. Nobody actually cares about her at all as everyone’s gathered near a stair stepper.

“If you spend 10 more minutes on this, it will definitely help you,” she hears a guy say.

Normally Louis couldn’t be bothered about whoever is on the piece of equipment, but this time her attention is attracted by a smooth but almost premature voice, “You think so?”

This can’t be happening.

Louis’s head snaps in the direction from which the voice has come. She quickly goes over there, wishing that her assumption is wrong.

“Oh, hi, Lou!” Niall quickly gets off the stepper and runs over to hug a very unpleasantly surprised Louis. “Glad to see you here!”

“Um, yeah, hi,” the other girl replies but doesn’t really return the hug. Actually, if it wouldn’t make the situation even more awkward, she would’ve just taken Niall’s hands off herself.

“I didn’t think you went to any gym, at all, to be honest,” the blonde says once she lets go off her. “I would’ve never guessed that you would need it any way.”

Did she just compliment her?

Louis had to remind herself that flattery shouldn’t take Niall anywhere at all.

 “I come here from time to time,” she shrugs. She wouldn’t like to shatter the girl’s dreams, now would she?

“Oh, that’s great! Then we could exercise together, what do you think?”

_“OK, NOT. EVER.”_ “Yeah, aha, maybe.”

“That would be amazing, wouldn’t it? Especially given that you inspired me to finally do it!”

“ _I_ inspired you?” Louis can’t believe what the other girl has just said. Then she remembers her sass out in front of Caroline’s office and is suddenly overwhelmed of the need to high five herself in the face with a train.

“Well, yeah,” Niall shrugs. “I guess I really needed someone to say all these things in my face.”

Louis feels really confused; she needs a moment to think through all of this.

“I’m sorry, I have to leave,” she says and turns away.

“Oh, OK,” Niall sounds disappointed but Louis tries not to care. “See you later then.”

“Yeah, see you.”

 

~.-.~

 

Louis doesn’t know where things have gone wrong. She hasn’t seen or spoken to Niall ever since she last met her in the gym. She hasn’t even met her on shows or seen her in magazines and ads. It kind of feels as if she has disappeared from the face of the Earth. Although Louis wouldn’t admit it, she is worried about Niall – but she always brushes it off by telling herself that she doesn’t really keep track on anyone right now and that she is way too busy to do it anyway.

It’s on an elegant dinner that she finally meets her again. Niall has completely changed. Her hair is bleached to a white mixed with a bit of pink, she has a bit too much eyeliner around her eyes (her eyes still stick out in a magnificent bright blue though), and most importantly, she’s so skinny that Louis unintentionally takes her for an Irish Zayn.

What strikes Louis the most is how _unhappy_ Niall looks while she’s trying to look sexy and seductive with her new body; all Louis can remember was how energetic and enthusiastic she used to be.

 

When they sit on the table, she ends up next to her and some disgustingly looking guy (he’s attractive but his possessive behavior makes him repulsing). Louis unconsciously looks in Niall’s plate and she notices that she barely touches her food. The guy, on the other hand, seems more than willing to touch not only his food but Niall’s leg too. Lou remembers how once another guy tried this on the blonde girl and how she unapologetically kicked him in the balls. Now she is just letting him go on with it even though Louis can see her fighting her tears.

Louis feels sorry for her. She doesn’t realize it but she makes it her mission this night to watch out for Niall and get her out of trouble.

A few minutes later the guy leans closer to Niall and whispers something in her ear. The model hesitates for a minute, squeezes her eyes and then nods. They excuse themselves and leave the table; Louis follows them with her gaze as they leave the room.

Now or never, that is. She can help Niall now or feel guilty of what might happen any minute now, for the rest of her life.

She excuses herself and rushes out of the room.

 

Louis looks for Niall and the guy and panics when she can’t find them. What if something terrible happens? What if she can’t help Niall?

It isn’t until she sees the gorgeous blonde barely moving, leaning on the walls, stumbling and tripping, walking towards her.

“Ni?” Louis asks. She has never called her Ni; she has never thought she would.

“Oh, Lou,” she finally sees her. She bursts into tears. “Please, get me out of here, Lou.”

Louis nods and hugs her.

 

They sit on the stairs in front of the gorgeous mansion that dinner takes place in. Louis has them both covered with her coat. She doesn’t ask any questions, she just lets Niall cry, curled on her shoulder, and share when she feels confident enough to do so.

“I can’t believe I almost did it,” she mumbles. “I almost slept with him, Lou,” she lifts her head towards her friend. “I almost _sold_ myself to the first guy who said I was pretty.” She bursts into tears again.

Louis strokes her hair, trying to soothe her. “But you didn’t and that’s what matters.”

“I’ve fallen, Lou. I can’t remember the way back up.”

“You don’t need to. You’ve always been on the top, love,” Lou answers and means it. Niall has always been gorgeous, both when she was a bit chubbier and now that she is so skinny.

“I… I didn’t know what I wanted to look like,” the words are just pouring out of her mouth now, Louis realizes. It’s her confession time and she really needs it; Lou’s going to hear it and keep it a secret. “I thought I wanted to look like you with you gorgeous curves––”

“ _You_ wanted to look like _me_?”

“Yes. Because you look so beautiful and attractive and all the guys swoon after you. I though they didn’t like me because I was getting too chubby. And then I started dieting and I… Ironically, first I didn’t know how to stop eating all the time, and now I don’t know how to stop dieting.”

“Oh my…”

“But I still didn’t look like you or Zayn, or Harry, no matter how much effort I put into it. Until I realized that whatever I did, I would always be pretty and cute and nothing else. And who would want that?”

Louis doesn’t know what to say. She realizes that Niall has the exact same insecurities she herself does. She also realizes that this could easily have been her on her place.

“You’re gorgeous, Ni,” she says and lifts her chin so that she could look her in the eyes. “You are. And you don’t need crowds of men to prove you that. You just need to believe it yourself.”

Niall’s mascara is running down her cheeks and she looks like a fallen queen; her eyes are still sparkling as if filled with stars.

“You only need yourself,” she continues, “but I am here, too. We can get through this together.” She squeezes her hand, smaller than her own.

Niall lifts her head and touches Louis’s lips with her own. “Thank you, Lou.”


End file.
